I love black thongs
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
