There is no way he is gay with that hair.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
