She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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