I CAN MOONWALK!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I want to fling myself into the sun
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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