He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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