I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
