Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
