Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize