I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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