And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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