she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Houston, we have a blender
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
