So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
