Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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