Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
