you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
