Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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