Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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