Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
