These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
