I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
