You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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