I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We are all done wearing pants today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
