yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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