Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
