I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
