take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got inside last night via doggy door
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
