i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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