We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
