Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
