i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
