They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
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Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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