There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
