I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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