did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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