Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
