i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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