just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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