My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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