The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So. Much. Porn.
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