I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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