You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
