Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
