so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize