I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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