The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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