i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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