i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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