Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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