We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
