just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
