i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You dont lie about slip and slides
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
