SEEEEXXX PLEASE
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
