He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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