By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Someone shattered a urinal.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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