I molested 6 butterflies tonight
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize