Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
