Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
