i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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