Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My vagina is officially offended.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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