If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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