when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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