Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
