I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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