So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
