I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
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I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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